Stress: An Information, A Signal
In other words, stress gives us information that something is “glitching” in our brain—or at least in how we perceive a situation. This information consists of our feelings and emotions. It’s up to us to do something with it—to change the situation and transform ourselves, both in the moment and in the long term.
Here are some practical keys to understanding and managing stress.
Our emotional learning comes from our family and culture. That part is already set. But the good news is that we can continue learning throughout our entire lives!
Some Key Definitions
Feeling : does not involve strong bodily sensations, subtle, delicate, and long-lasting.
- Tenderness
- Affection
- Bitterness
Emotion : involves bodily sensations of varying intensity, temporary, can be overwhelming, intense inner reaction.
Emotional Experience
It is the result of an internal process that includes emotions, the sensations they produce, and our thoughts. Focusing on emotions means paying attention to the immediate experience, accepting it, and accessing its deeper meaning.
Emotions and sensations signal what we are experiencing—both in quality and intensity. These signals are subjective and tied to our personal thought systems. They point to an unmet need in the present moment. Our sensations come through our five senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste) and movement. Emotions are at the core of human communication. They are expressed through both words and the physical sensations they trigger.
For example, if I feel afraid, I might notice my heart racing, shortness of breath, a shaky voice, changes in saliva production.
The more we can express and externalize our emotions, the more meaningful our interactions become. Sharing our inner world allows others to understand us—and often, what we feel affects them too.
Categories of Emotions
Psychologist Michèle Larivey classifies emotions into four categories (a system echoed by other experts as well):
Simple Emotions
Positive simple emotions indicate satisfaction and are linked to the instinctive calm response described in neuroscience.
• Pleasure
• Joy
• Delight
• Affection
• Pride
• Love
Negative simple emotions indicate dissatisfaction and are linked to the neurosciences instinctive governance fight-or-freeze.
• Boredom
• Sadness
• Disappointment
• Melancholy
• Disgust
• Pain
• Anger
• Rage
• Impatience
• Frustration
Each simple emotion is connected to a need. Once the need is met, the emotion naturally fades. Some emotions relate specifically to a person or obstacle, such as love, affection, or pride. These emotions may point to deeper, hidden needs.
Anticipatory Emotions
These are emotions about what might happen. They come from our imagination and help reveal underlying needs, like excitement, appetite, anxiety, fear, stage fright. They are also signs of unsatisfied needs.
Mixed Emotions
Mixed emotions mask deeper issues and require careful analysis.
• Guilt
• Jealousy
• Contempt
• Pity
• Disgust
• Shame
Counter-Emotions
These are physically intense emotions that reveal what we suppress or try to avoid. They are linked to the flight instinctive governance.
• Anxiety
• Panic
• Nervousness
Pseudo-Emotions
• Feeling rejected
• Being conflicted about someone you love, feeling trapped, insignificant, or amazing
• Feeling confused, depressed, or emotionally drained
• Behaviors : openness, curiosity, warmness, hostile, judgments (which are not feelt) like stupid, ridiculous, pathetic
Emotional Intelligence
When a need is met, we feel balanced. When it isn’t met, or when a new need arises, we feel off balance. Human needs are both physical (e.g., thirst → need for water), psychological (e.g., fear → need for protection)
Our emotions tell us how well our needs are being met.
And importantly: each person is responsible for meeting their own needs.
The key to managing emotions is going back and forth between bodily sensations and specific words to name the emotion.
This process helps us understand what we’re experiencing and improves with practice—strengthening emotional intelligence over time.
The Emotional Process: 5 Stages
1. Emergence – The emotion appears. At first vague, it becomes clearer when we stay present with it. Naming the emotion completes this phase.
2. Immersion – Fully experiencing the emotion without resistance. Many people struggle here, but accepting an emotion as it is allows progress.
3. Development – Understanding its nuances and complexities.
4. Insight – Gaining clarity about why the emotion is there. True insight is a sudden realization, unlike premature explanations that may arise earlier.
5. Unifying Action – Expressing or acting on the insight in a way that aligns with your values. This resolves the emotional cycle and makes space for new experiences.
Key Emotions & Their Meanings
Each emotion carries valuable information:
Tenderness & Tears
Fulfills an emotional need.
Anger
A sign of imbalance.
Manifests dissatisfaction, a lack, or an unmet need.
Contentment
Satisfaction.
Feel it, surrender to the emotion, and nourish yourself with it.
Desire
An emotion of anticipation, fantasy.
Provides information about a need, an aspiration, a search for balance and satisfaction; a sign of vitality.
Boredom
Lack of meaning.
An unmet need, frustration, passivity; helps identify what truly matters, break free from “shoulds,” reconnect with oneself, and take ownership of one’s choices.
Impatience
Doing something insignificant while neglecting what truly matters.
Indicates that we are wasting time and invites us to invest it in something more meaningful.
Fear
A subjective anticipation of danger.
Encourages us to assess the reality of the danger and take measures to protect ourselves.
Pleasure
Satisfaction of a need, the harmonious fulfillment of a vital requirement.
Indicates that a need has been met.
Sadness
Signals an emotional loss.
Invites us to identify and address this lack, restoring our psychological energy.
Love
A spontaneous emotional movement toward someone who brings us satisfaction and inspires us to surpass ourselves.
Reveals the presence of crucial needs or aspirations, the desire to be recognized for our capacity to attract, and the need for essential validation from the other person.
Healthy Guilt
A deliberate action against my values.
Highlights an internal imbalance or self-disagreement; once clarified, it allows us to take responsibility and make amends.
Guilt of Concealment
Making one’s actions seem more acceptable to oneself and others.
Encourages us to take responsibility for our actions.
Disgust
Weariness, aversion, and disapproval.
Indicates an overload, that we have gone too far.
Pride
A form of self-satisfaction infused with self-esteem.
Indicates that we have taken action up to our standards and invested ourselves in it; may be perceived by others as arrogance or boasting, which invites us to own our achievements and express this emotion openly.
Shame
Social guilt triggered by others’ judgment.
Encourages us to recognize what we struggle to accept about ourselves, clarifies how we judge ourselves, and highlights the importance we place on others’ opinions. Offers an opportunity for personal growth and behavioral freedom.
Jealousy
Anger toward someone who has something I desire.
Through the envy it carries, invites us to identify our own needs and acknowledge our resistance to fulfilling them.
Romantic Jealousy
A mix of fear and anger triggered by insecurity.
Reflects the fear of losing an important benefit from the relationship and insecurity about our attractiveness. Encourages self-confidence development and relationship clarity.
Contempt
• Concealed Contempt: Anger and fear, possibly jealousy, dissatisfaction, a defense against hurt, rejection of the relationship.
• Reactive Contempt: Anger, an admission of disagreement with someone who does not meet our moral expectations, a desire for connection.
Encourages self-exploration to uncover the true cause behind our contempt, leading to acceptance of our vulnerability and honest emotional expression.
Pity
Underlying contempt.
Masks an emotion under socially acceptable appearances, requiring deeper identification.
Fatigue
Excessive emotional expenditure.
A large investment of psychic energy to suppress emotions or fatigue following an intense emotional experience. Signals a need for emotional and physical rest. Encourages opening up to the underlying emotion by breathing and embracing it.
Embarrassment
Occurs when we deny ourselves pleasure or contentment and attempt to replace it with indifference.
Indicates inner conflict between pleasure and its repression due to an inability to fully embrace it or the vulnerability it exposes. Disappears when we accept and openly experience pleasure.
Blushing, Memory Loss, Loss of Focus, Stuttering
An internal struggle between an emerging emotion and the desire to hide it.
Encourages us to accept both the emotion and its expression, embracing ourselves as we are by identifying the emotion seeking to surface and its triggers.
Disappointment
Indicates that an expectation was not met.
Encourages us to clarify our initial expectations and desires, then examine our role and others’ roles in fulfilling them.
Distancing, Withdrawal
Reflects dissatisfaction, frustration, or even anger that remains unexpressed.
Encourages us to express what we feel and embrace the liveliness of the relationship.
Frustration
A state of dissatisfaction, coupled with a sense of injustice, generating anger, jealousy, or sadness.
Encourages us to take an active role in relationships, take charge of our lives, and ensure our needs are met.
Helplessness
Inability or impossibility to take action or achieve goals.
Highlights obstacles preventing satisfaction, urging us to distinguish between what is within our control and what is not. This clarification helps break free from paralysis.
Manipulation
An action imposed on us, pushing us to do things we do not want to do, triggering emotions we resist, making us vulnerable to control.
Encourages awareness of the emotion at play and resistance to manipulation.
Gratitude
A sense of indebtedness to someone who has done us a favor.
Indicates that we have received something valuable, perceived as a privilege. To fully embrace the experience, we must express our gratitude, which fosters a sense of fulfillment and strengthens the relationship.
Final Thoughts
Our emotions are not obstacles—they are signals. They guide us toward self-awareness and growth.
So, what if we learned to listen to them and use them as tools for personal development and deeper connections?
